Finally

Oh how long I have waited
For this moment to arrive.
You walk up
And kiss me;
The world disappears.

Many years of experiences,
Many like this.
They did not prepare me for
Reacting like
It was my first kiss.

I swoon.
You hold me.
And finally,
I am complete.

I love you!!

Fiction or Non-Fiction? Well, entertaining anyway....

I have always been a little more open sexually than your traditionally brought up folks, yet due to societal mores or what have you I have been lax at experimenting with too much. My sexual preference is with men, however, I find sexual feelings and intensity a turn on, with whoever you may be experiencing them with. In other words, as I always say, in the heat of the moment anything goes!

Suffice it to say, other than a couple of drunken evenings where I questioned (however didn’t really care) who exactly was kissing my back here and there…….. I have never been with a woman. I have had dreams involving same sex instances, and I can openly appreciate women’s beauty, however I am more apt to want to play with a man than a woman.

I have a friend, ‘Vanessa’, that I met at college who I have had some interesting evenings with, including one of the drunken ones mentioned above. There were instances here and there involving nudity, but they never amounted to much. She and I just shared advice and discussion on a lot of topics. See, I pretty much raised myself given little to know supervision from when my parents divorced when I was six, and she was raised as the oldest of six in a Mexican-Catholic family (cross yourself now, genuflect, genuflect…).

Vanessa and I have been friends for a few years now, and have discussed everything from tampons (she had never used them, I showed her how) to men and their inevitable return when they push you away that final time and you leave them (shared tears over that).

When she invited me to a major concert here in sunny California with a couple friends of her family’s, I never expected a day like we had. I drove to her house to await her friend ‘Dave’ who arrived late (as per usual) but the day was a laid-back day and we were all in a good mood. Dave said we were driving to his friend’s house to pick him up, and then we were leaving to the concert. So as not go into a lot of boring details, we pick up ‘Chris’ and a cooler of beer, some 100-proof whiskey and Seven-Up, and head out.

Well, Vanessa was quick to tell Dave in the parking lot that what happened at the concert STAYED at the concert, and only then when he agreed, did she let down her guard. It was a hot day, sweltering…. Vanessa and I both were wearing spaghetti strap tank tops. Vanessa is a safe 34C and I am a 38D. The boys were happy when we started playing with ice cubes, melting them on ourselves and each other. Melting them on the boys (digital pictures are floating around SOMEWHERE ;-)….). We drink all the alcohol before we go into the concert, joking and playing in the parking lot, and very promptly lose Dave in a mosh pit upon getting inside.

Here we are, hanging out with Chris, who we had just met, and feeling happy (and horny) from all the touchy-feely in the parking lot. Why not? We are all single, and out to have a good time at an awesome concert. The vendors were all happy to keep us supplied in ice. I am very light-skinned and had a straw hat and some bandanas we kept filling up with ice. For hours, we sat on the lawn listening to music and stroking each other with ice cubes, me stroking Vanessa, she stroking me; Chris joining in with both of us, both of us stroking him. It was all very sensual, and exciting.
A little background is needed here. I am a very sexually active person… even though I was single, I date a lot and have a few ‘friends’ that help me out in the sexual arena. Vanessa is 27, moved back home to save money while she finished college, and shares a room with a sister. Needless to say, there is not much opportunity for her to “self-stimulate” and since she has been single for a long while, it has been 4 years since the last time she had sex! Oh my!! The running joke amongst our friends is that it has been my goal to get her laid this year!!!

Now Back to Saturday at the Concert…..

Here we are, having been teasing each other with ice cubes all afternoon… drunk on whiskey and sun…. Chris is kissing us both, she kisses him back…. I am thinking “Hey, maybe she will hook up with him…” When all-of-a-sudden, Vanessa leans over and kisses ME! Not a chaste ‘thanks-for-being-my-friend-going-with-me-to-this-concert’ kiss but a ‘I-am-so-horny-hot-and-bothered’ kiss! This is the first time I have ever done that… and here we are at a concert in front of thousands of people. Chris was in heaven, saying things like “You girls are amazing!” And he didn’t believe us when we had said we had never done that before, with each other or anyone else!

Opposites Attract

want to see you
naked
across the room

dancing to flames
tingling ablaze
hotter than kindling

silhouetted against
the wall

your shadow
in rhythm

imagine
your golden sheen
searing scented flesh

hear your voice
trumpeting
an idea

the past
is forgotten

opposites
still attract

nothing is so futile
as when love
is held back

Private Thoughts

Remembering you
naked
joined to my half-covered self

bodies cooling
from the fire
chaos swimming in minds

skin tingling
yearning, burning
from the slightest touch

hearts beating
in a rhythm
called unison

sweat glistening
sheening, maybe
even blending

the future
could be seen

do opposites
still attract?

Nothing is more lonesome
than shadowed light
remembering

What do you want out of life?

What do you want for yourself? For others? From others? All my life I think I have tried to be the best friend I can be to people: I help out when I can, I try to be considerate of others. In the end though, what is it all for? Men, women... are we really meant to pair off, be a partnership, work together? Is there someone for everyone? And if so, do you think that maybe there is some unreal percentage of people who are blissfully head-over-heels in love with someone, like 1% or .5% really, and the rest all compromise? You make the best life with the one you choose, so choose well? I dunno, all I know is... I haven't found that for myself yet, and don't know if I ever will. I don't like compromising. :)

I Wish That I Could Tell You

Unkown things
That I don’t know.
I wish that I could tell you.
The words that I would say,
Sound as empty as the way you feel inside.
But the silence in between,
Tells me everything that you deny.
I don’t know how to help you,
I wish that I could tell you,
How to tell me good-bye.

I don’t know how you leave
It all behind.
I wish that I could tell you.
Is it true a heart heals
Itself with time?
I wish that I could tell you.
How do you choose?
Do you hurt them with the truth
Or with a lie?
Where do you go?
To own

I wish that I could tell you

How do you tell someone
You’re letting go?
I wish that I could tell you.
But you’re asking me things
That I don’t know.
I wish that I could tell you.
The words that I would say,
Sound as empty as the way you feel inside.
But the silence in between,
Tells me everything that you deny.
I don’t know how to help you,
I wish that I could tell you,
How to tell me good-bye.

I don’t know how you leave
It all behind.
I wish that I could tell you.
Is it true a heart heals
Itself with time?
I wish that I could tell you.
How do you choose?
Do you hurt them with the truth
Or with a lie?
Where do you go?
To find the courage you know
I could never find.
I don’t know how to help you,
I wish that I could tell you,
How to tell me good-bye.

Where do you turn?
Where do you go?
When you’ve finally reached
The end of the road.
How do you say it?
I just don’t know.
When it comes to leaving,
You’re on your own.
I don’t know how to help you,
I wish that I could tell you,
How to tell me
Good-bye.

Lost Trust

Stop knocking at my door
There is nothing left for you here

Stop knocking at my door
The lock has remained chained
The door has been sealed

Stop knocking at my door
There is nothing for you here
Just a scorned soul

Stop knocking at my door
I tell you there is no one
In this wretched place

There is nothing for you here
There is nothing but a
A broken light

So stop knocking at my door